Embarrassing confessions

I have bitten my nails for the majority of my life.

As you've seen on this blog, I pull out my hair (in Grade 9 I had a small bald spot for awhile right in the front).

I also pick my skin. Hang nails, cuticles, pimples, scabs...

And I scratch myself. Sometimes till I draw blood.

I used to own a special hairbrush just for scratching myself with.

Right now my biggest issue is that I am breaking out like crazy and subsequently picking my face.

Here's the evidence...


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Emotionally raw for no apparent reason

I watched a movie today called, "Jeff, who lives at home" and I found it strangely relatable - the feeling of a lack of destiny. Looking for signs in things. Wondering if you are on the right path and people finding your thought processes strange.

I am not going to spoil the movie but towards the end I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I just started crying and couldn't stop.

It was embarrassing - even though the kids were upstairs so they didn't see or hear me...

Later on tonight I was watching "Being Erica" on Netflix and one of the eps set off the same reaction.

I have no explanation.

I don't feel right...


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Strange mood

So my sex drive is on a high. It's constantly on my mind. Been busy with Hubs every night for days. But, other than that - I've felt even more exhausted than usual.

Though I have been out of the house more recently. Last wk I was out Mon for Son's ABA, I was out Friday for my first therapy group, I was out Sunday for 2 different family outings - 1 in public and 1 with my extended family.

Today I managed to get some laundry thrown in and have a bath.

And I shaved my legs. For the first time in - well, awhile.

I think group went well on Friday.

I did have a bad turn when I lost my car key BUT I must've lost it near my vehicle since some good Samaritan tucked the key under my windshield.

So that turned despair into relief.

I'm having a hard time focusing lately. I don't *think* I'm quite as "ragey" as I was before, but it's hard to say.

The only time I feel "normal" for more than a moment here or there is when Hubs and I are having sex.

But that doesn't help me in day-to-day life...


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All I want to do is eat

I swear, my feelings of hunger have been crazy this weekend. I eat. Then I eat again. And again.

Today:
2 bagels (one w/ butter, one w/ herb & garlic cream cheese)
Leftover mini-yellow potatoes w/ leftover homemade gravy
Special K w/ lactose free milk
3 chocolate chip cookies
A cup of milk
A large mug of tea w/ milk & a tsp of sugar
A can of Pepsi
A bottle of water
A popsicle (during a hot flash)
A rice krispie square

And, insanely enough, I am *still* hungry!!!

What the hell is wrong w/ me???


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