The List

OK so I have a list of things i don't know how to bring up with my psychiatrist OR I am afraid to - depends on what it is.

Anyone else feel like this?

excerpt from may 27th entry of hand-written journal

excerpt from hand-written journal may 26, 2014

excerpt from hand-written journal April 15th

excerpt march 29th from hand-written journal

pic post of my hand-written journal excerpt 1

OK I see that if you click the image you can make it bigger...

I bought The Bloggess' book!

My BB flash did something odd to the cover but how sexy are my shoes???

Cleared it with MOH and I am going to get this signed (I hope) cuz the line is freakin HUGE!!!!!!!!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

UPDATED TO ADD:

#1 - two more pics
#2 - additional information

The book was signed and I got to tell Jenny that she and I are directionally-challenged twins and that some GPS units are out to get us. Plus confess to a strange and rambling comment I left on her book tour blog post (which may or may not appear I suppose re: moderation - LOL!). 

The Bloggess herself!

My signed copy (see how artfully I managed to cover up my real-world name?)

 One of the best things about waiting the in the super-long line was that the people in line were OUR kind of people.  We were being our "normal" loud, strange and off-the-wall selves and we were NOT getting raised eyebrows or odd looks or people shuffling away slowly while avoiding eye contact.

We were getting laughter, and conversation and a sense of community.  A few people thanked us for making the waiting fun.

Once I got over a large portion of my anxiety - I had a lot of fun.

OMG!  I almost forgot!  I have another picture to post... the creepy whore dolls being sold by Indigo.

Seriously - wtf are these dolls representing???

Odd whoreish dolls

Blue one - ???? (I don't think the outfit works for 60s or 90s)

Pink one - Whoreish doll of the 80s

Gold one - Whoreish doll of the 70s

All I can say is - UGHHHY

Also, there were some odd things like keychain mirrors that looked like fast food burgers.

Hmmn, let's have a constant reminder of unhealthy food and have a mirror inside it to REALLY fuck us up -- what a splendid idea of negative reinforcement.

Huh?

Woke up with a jolt today

Feeling sick to my stomach, and really off-kilter but then I remembered that my PMS became my period just before I went to bed last night.

That reminds me - I need to check if I it's safe for me to take Tylenol or Advil with my meds.  Because my TOM always knocks the hell out of me.

I'm angrier today - though I have a legitimate reason for it so I am not going to get into it here since it has nothing to do with my diagnosis or anything MOH or I may suspect about his mental health (in theory I suppose it could but since I'm still letting him sleep in even though I've been up for well over an hour - I'm not getting into it here).

I've actually just been sitting here - looking at the living room and wishing I could figure out a way to move the furniture but my problem is, essentially, where our Bell cables come into the house/living room as I think that only gives us a limited space as to where we can place our furniture.

Now I'm not sure if I've said here before that when I get hypomanic (a term I am still getting used to) that one of the main things I like to do is move the living room furniture - but I'm pretty sure I am not hypomanic this time for ONE simple reason. 

When I am hypomanic (which before now, I thought of as "normal") I just start moving things without planning and might spend hours upon hours moving and then moving again and again.

There are two "issues" with our living room, the odd space by the window and the cut-out of danger.  Here, I'll try to show you in a floor plan photo and a very old living room photo... 

The cut-out of danger is to the right and plummets right to the entry

Whereas this morning, I have spent over an hour, just sitting here and thinking about it and considering my options and trying to think through potential road-blocks.

See the difference?

And that reminds me of something.  A friend asked me if this is blog reflects how I've always felt or how I've felt since I was diagnosed.

It reflects a chunk of how I've always felt WITHOUT all the self-recriminations because before I had a diagnosis I chalked a lot of how I felt up to human weakness/weakness of character, even though I did have my other diagnoses.

And, of course now I am also trying to incorporate the proper terminology for things whereas in the past I was always worrying and saying to my friends that I thought I was crazy and felt like I was crazy and the usual response was that "people who actually are crazy, never wonder if they are crazy."

You know, I should ask Dr. Calm about that...

Now, back to my living room dilemma.  I need to move things around so that my super-climbing toddler cannot access the cut-out of doom, somehow fit all the same furniture in here (and there's a lot) and figure out what to do with that stupid wasted space that we have covered with a drape and currently have a small toy cupboard in.

Thoughts?