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Saturday, 24 August 2013

Sometimes a lil peace makes the everyday seem harder

Let me preface this by saying I had a wonderful time in Fergus for the Scottish festival (or Highland games or whatever is the current correct name) when I attended a couple of weekends ago.

It was probably the MOST relaxed I have felt in -- well, honestly I couldn't then and still can't quite recall when I last felt that good.

The weather was beautiful. And so were some of the kilted men, I must say! ;)

But at one point I was standing at our campsite. The sun was dancing through the leaves and trees of "the thieves forest" and a slight breeze was quietly weaving its way through the camp as the pipers were piping and in that moment I felt uplifted.

I felt at peace.

I felt free.

The energy of the event as a whole and of my companions in particular was positive and welcoming.

When it was time to return home, I was loathe to leave.

Hubs and the children arrived and I asked if everyone could relax and be quiet during the ride home so I could hold the feeling as long as possible.

Well, being in a car with 3 kids aged 3 - 13 - as you can imagine - it didn't work out so well.

Since I've been home I've felt worse than before I went.

It could be that I'm really starting to process Grandpa's death. That finality has been hitting me.

But it feels like it's more than that.

Sometimes I feel like it's mania but there's so much anger in it - it's not even "enjoyable" mania if you know what I mean.

Plus I only get hypomanic.

I just don't know what THIS is.

There is an upside though... I now have a real version of a "happy place". I just need to work on my visualization skills for self-soothing and comfort.




Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

3 comments:

  1. As a bipolar, to another: place your family up for adoption. Mental illness is tough; we require quiet times to meditate and do mindfulness exercises; to do yoga, to draw and garden. To use the frontal lobes in a healthy way, so that our neuroplasticity takes hold and fixes the circuitry and neurotransmitters. Don't breed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should I guess that you do not have children?
      As you can clearly see if you read the post completely, I do have children.
      Children that I love. And as challenging as it is to be someone struggling with bipolar disorder as well as my other diagnoses, it's even harder when I worry how it might impact them.
      So while I do agree we need quiet time/ down time - your "don't breed" and "place your family up for adoption" statements were rude and ridiculous.

      Delete
    2. To pajarochoui: I sure hope that YOU placed your family up for adoption. I wouldn't want your children to be raised by such an ignorant, rude and stupid person. How dare you make such a statement! Why don't YOU do the world a favor and don't breed? Better yet, go have yourself sterilized just so there isn't any "mistakes"

      Delete

You may have heard that Canadians are polite... in general we are so thank you for commenting, unless you wrote something really mean, in which case I am thanking you but with the utmost sarcasm. ;)