Yesterday we had one of our friends over, which was nice because she gets the way that MOH and I are and her youngest daughter gets along with our kids (they haven't met her older dau. yet).
Though because Friday was an out-of-the-house-all-day-day for me, Sat was a barely-move-to-try-and-recover-day-day which my friend hadn't seen before and it also ended up being a bit of an emotional day to.
My energy is a bit better today again, so it's back to getting some crap done around the house. Which appears to be pissing MOH and the older kids off. It's only 11:16 a.m. and there has already been a few temper tantrums from my son and a couple of emotional tantrums from our daughter.
And MOH and I have locked horns a few times too.
Fun, fun, fun - even though not everyone is diagnosed I kind of wanna call us the ADHD house or House of ADHD.
Even if not everyone turns out to be BPD, I think there's a 90% chance of everyone having ADD/ADHD.
So to aid the older kids, despite MOH losing his cool over it, I wrote the kids the following STEP #1 list:
- GET GARBAGE BAG
- Throw out any garbage like: broken toys, loose puzzle pieces, clothing tags, old snacks or treats, food garbage, food wrappers, gift bags, empty toy packaging, really dirty clothing that you can tell won't fit (like underwear)
Then come get another garbage bag when the first one is full and repeat
But yet when it comes to what I have to work on at this moment, I am writing a blog post instead and feeling overwhelmed just thinking about it.
When MOH went to group on Thursday, I went to work on the area that is HIS task area because he hadn't done anything all this week (other than me forcing him to help me with the living room on Sunday afternoon) and I was getting fed up.
I still find it WAY easier working on other people's "stuff" than on my own. There is some more um... I guess, precise or nit-picky organization I want/need/would like to do in the living room but I haven't found exactly what I have in my mind to use for that yet.
And then there is the BIG job of tackling the very small but disastrous so-called dining room or what I like to call the table-that-collects-everything and I feel like I don't know where to start.
Because when it comes to MY areas/jobs - I'm at a loss. What kind of sense does that make???
None.
I know, right?
Healer, heal thyself - blah bloody blah.
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Thursday, 26 July 2012
What do you think about online screening quizzes?
So, tonight I had MOH do 2 screening quizzes in preparation for his upcoming psychiatric assessment.
The screening quizzes were from http://psychcentral.com
One was for Adult ADD and this was the scoring key:
S C O R I N G K E Y
He did it without any input from me and scored over 70.
The other one was a bipolar screening test and he also did that one without my input and the scoring key was:
S C O R I N G K E Y
On that one he scored himself in the moderate to severe symptoms. I am curious to see what he would score if I did it on my perceptions of his behaviour?
Should I?
Why do I even ask?
That reminds me of something and I'm not quite sure what the difference in our answers says about us but MOH and I were watching Dallas the other week (we haven't seen this week's yet so NO SPOILERS please). Anyway, Bobby was offered information on his wife by her ex-husband and, although he was curious, he told her that he hoped someday she'd tell her himself and he threw the unopened envelope into the fireplace.
MOH asked me if we were in that situation, would I read what was in the envelope. I answered instantly that yes, I would want to know and that it would drive me crazy to know that someone else knew something about him/our family that I didn't know because I always want to know the information. Always.
And I was shocked, well, actually, surprise surprise, FLABBERGASTED when MOH told me that he wouldn't take the hypothetical envelope and would not actually want to know.
So, I do wonder what that says about us?
OK so I did the bipolar quiz on him and I scored him in the same range though 4 points higher than he scored himself.
On the ADHD one I scored him as how he comes across to me and well he scored 22 point higher than he did when he scored himself. LOL!
MOH is not particularly impressed with me at this moment...
*shrug*
The screening quizzes were from http://psychcentral.com
One was for Adult ADD and this was the scoring key:
S C O R I N G K E Y
| If you scored... | You may have... |
| 70 & up 50 - 69 35 - 49 25 - 34 0 - 24 | Adult ADHD
Moderate ADHD Mild ADHD Borderline ADHD No ADHD likely |
He did it without any input from me and scored over 70.
The other one was a bipolar screening test and he also did that one without my input and the scoring key was:
S C O R I N G K E Y
| If you scored... | You may have... |
| 51 & up | Bipolar disorder - Serious symptoms |
| 36 - 50 |
Bipolar disorder - Moderate to severe symptoms |
| 25 - 35 | Bipolar disorder likely |
| 16 - 24 | Either bipolar disorder II or depressive disorder |
| 10 - 15 | Possible depressive disorder |
| 0 - 9 | No disorder likely |
Should I?
Why do I even ask?
That reminds me of something and I'm not quite sure what the difference in our answers says about us but MOH and I were watching Dallas the other week (we haven't seen this week's yet so NO SPOILERS please). Anyway, Bobby was offered information on his wife by her ex-husband and, although he was curious, he told her that he hoped someday she'd tell her himself and he threw the unopened envelope into the fireplace.
MOH asked me if we were in that situation, would I read what was in the envelope. I answered instantly that yes, I would want to know and that it would drive me crazy to know that someone else knew something about him/our family that I didn't know because I always want to know the information. Always.
And I was shocked, well, actually, surprise surprise, FLABBERGASTED when MOH told me that he wouldn't take the hypothetical envelope and would not actually want to know.
So, I do wonder what that says about us?
OK so I did the bipolar quiz on him and I scored him in the same range though 4 points higher than he scored himself.
On the ADHD one I scored him as how he comes across to me and well he scored 22 point higher than he did when he scored himself. LOL!
MOH is not particularly impressed with me at this moment...
*shrug*
I spent most of Wednesday playing Twister with Fear
Seriously.
Every time I took a step in one direction, it blocked me. One, slippery, inky, immoveable foot on red, a long, strong, arm on yellow, toppling me over, like a turtle on its back. Unable to flip over and get its bearings.
MOH and I had a big talk with our young man today who had some legitimate questions about the upheaval that's been going on lately and that, for once, have not been focused on the emotional/neurological issues of himself or his older sister.
He actually timed me the other day. As soon as I walked in the door from my peer support group, which was followed by a smaller peer social outing for a cool beverage of a non-alcoholic variety, my pride and joy looked at me as if I had broken curfew and said, in an affronted tone, "MOM! Do you know you've been gone for exactly 4 hours and 15 minutes?!?!?!"
To which I replies, "No I didn't. Thanks for telling me, honey."
Then I ruffled his hair and gave him a smooch on the forehead. Apparently not the reaction he was looking for.
He was gearing for a fight.
Now if it's one thing the more verbal members of our family have in common is that we all seem to leap into verbal sparring in the blink of an eye. We're yellers and interrupters and we all like to get the last word.
Oh, and I almost forgot. Every single one of us is convinced that we are, without fail, almost always right. (And you know that can't be the case since everyone should know that I am right at least 88% of the time!)
I was taking a break from my BPD 2 reading and reading about ADD/ADHD since I have been convinced, for years, that MOH has it - in part because our oldest girl has it and because in reading about it a few years ago so much of it sounded like him (granted, at the time I did say that a good portion sounded like me but I thought I was being some sort of hypochondriac or something) and, of course, along with my BPD 2 diagnosis, I was also diagnosed with ADHD.
So when I was doing this reading last night, I got very scared because I started to wonder if our young man, who already has an ASD diagnosis, might have a co-morbid case of ADHD that has gone undiagnosed.
And then I have to wonder - what does that mean for our not-so-little-one? The lover of pink, coins, shoes and animals?
So those were the fears I was wrapped up in today.
What in the world would it mean if EVERYONE in our family has some form of neurological disorder?
How could we survive as a family?
Would we self-destruct?
If we did, would it all be my fault because I took to many years to get some real help for my own issues?
Playing Twister with Fear, my friends.
And Fear is one nasty bitch of a player.
You know why?
Because she'll trip you, she'll push you and then she'll try to hold you down until you just give up.
But I don't feel like giving up right now.
Hopefully I will still feel that way tomorrow.
Every time I took a step in one direction, it blocked me. One, slippery, inky, immoveable foot on red, a long, strong, arm on yellow, toppling me over, like a turtle on its back. Unable to flip over and get its bearings.
MOH and I had a big talk with our young man today who had some legitimate questions about the upheaval that's been going on lately and that, for once, have not been focused on the emotional/neurological issues of himself or his older sister.
He actually timed me the other day. As soon as I walked in the door from my peer support group, which was followed by a smaller peer social outing for a cool beverage of a non-alcoholic variety, my pride and joy looked at me as if I had broken curfew and said, in an affronted tone, "MOM! Do you know you've been gone for exactly 4 hours and 15 minutes?!?!?!"
To which I replies, "No I didn't. Thanks for telling me, honey."
Then I ruffled his hair and gave him a smooch on the forehead. Apparently not the reaction he was looking for.
He was gearing for a fight.
Now if it's one thing the more verbal members of our family have in common is that we all seem to leap into verbal sparring in the blink of an eye. We're yellers and interrupters and we all like to get the last word.
Oh, and I almost forgot. Every single one of us is convinced that we are, without fail, almost always right. (And you know that can't be the case since everyone should know that I am right at least 88% of the time!)
I was taking a break from my BPD 2 reading and reading about ADD/ADHD since I have been convinced, for years, that MOH has it - in part because our oldest girl has it and because in reading about it a few years ago so much of it sounded like him (granted, at the time I did say that a good portion sounded like me but I thought I was being some sort of hypochondriac or something) and, of course, along with my BPD 2 diagnosis, I was also diagnosed with ADHD.
So when I was doing this reading last night, I got very scared because I started to wonder if our young man, who already has an ASD diagnosis, might have a co-morbid case of ADHD that has gone undiagnosed.
And then I have to wonder - what does that mean for our not-so-little-one? The lover of pink, coins, shoes and animals?
So those were the fears I was wrapped up in today.
What in the world would it mean if EVERYONE in our family has some form of neurological disorder?
How could we survive as a family?
Would we self-destruct?
If we did, would it all be my fault because I took to many years to get some real help for my own issues?
Playing Twister with Fear, my friends.
And Fear is one nasty bitch of a player.
You know why?
Because she'll trip you, she'll push you and then she'll try to hold you down until you just give up.
But I don't feel like giving up right now.
Hopefully I will still feel that way tomorrow.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
The secret shame - uncleanliness
I feel like I need musical accompaniment here. DUN DUN DA!!!!
Imagine it, a silent movie, a man with a black hat and a curlicue mustache, laughing menacingly as, instead of tying the damsel in distress to the train tracks, he carries her towards a house.
The card with the text appears: "And now, you'll see that I have destroyed you in a way worse than death. Everyone you know is in your house right now."
Cut to the woman, flailing in his arms and obviously extremely upset.
Another text card: "No, people can never come in uninvited. They can never know how bad it gets!"
End scene
I actually discussed this with a friend who has similar challenges. And it made me think of other people that I know with various mood disorders.
Some people with mood disorders have issues keeping their homes tidy and organized, some get to the point where they let their personal care slide and some have a combination of the two.
I have experienced this myself. MOH (Man of the House) and I both have a hard time keeping the clutter down and the dishes done.
When I get really down, I stop having baths and switch to showers. I know that doesn't sound as severe as people who may stop cleaning themselves altogether but it's huge for me because I take great pleasure in having a bath.
It's peaceful (except for the kids coming in to talk to me. my friends phoning me, MOH coming in to ask me to tell the kids to do what he says... you get the picture)
But I will tell you this.
I *HATE* living like this.
Yet I feel powerless to change it. We have too many things for too small a space. We suck at organizatioin, and when things are out-of-sight they become out-of-mind and suddenly I am not paying bills on time and we end up over-spending because the budget goes out the window because I lose all sense of what's going on because nothing is right in front of me.
Have I mentioned that I was also diagnosed ADHD along with the type 2 bipolar diagnosis? I've read up on ADHD because one of our kids has it (maybe all 3 - who knows?) but I haven't really read up on adult ADHD beyond what I've read that convinced me that MOH has it... so imagine my surprise that I got diagnosed with it.
And since MOH has been battling depression since before I met him, can you guess what I am worried about now?
Did you guess?
I'm worried that he could be bipolar as well.
Anyway, I need to go. I need to eat and get dressed because I have group therapy this afternoon and I really look forward to it.
Imagine it, a silent movie, a man with a black hat and a curlicue mustache, laughing menacingly as, instead of tying the damsel in distress to the train tracks, he carries her towards a house.
The card with the text appears: "And now, you'll see that I have destroyed you in a way worse than death. Everyone you know is in your house right now."
Cut to the woman, flailing in his arms and obviously extremely upset.
Another text card: "No, people can never come in uninvited. They can never know how bad it gets!"
End scene
I actually discussed this with a friend who has similar challenges. And it made me think of other people that I know with various mood disorders.
Some people with mood disorders have issues keeping their homes tidy and organized, some get to the point where they let their personal care slide and some have a combination of the two.
I have experienced this myself. MOH (Man of the House) and I both have a hard time keeping the clutter down and the dishes done.
When I get really down, I stop having baths and switch to showers. I know that doesn't sound as severe as people who may stop cleaning themselves altogether but it's huge for me because I take great pleasure in having a bath.
It's peaceful (except for the kids coming in to talk to me. my friends phoning me, MOH coming in to ask me to tell the kids to do what he says... you get the picture)
But I will tell you this.
I *HATE* living like this.
Yet I feel powerless to change it. We have too many things for too small a space. We suck at organizatioin, and when things are out-of-sight they become out-of-mind and suddenly I am not paying bills on time and we end up over-spending because the budget goes out the window because I lose all sense of what's going on because nothing is right in front of me.
Have I mentioned that I was also diagnosed ADHD along with the type 2 bipolar diagnosis? I've read up on ADHD because one of our kids has it (maybe all 3 - who knows?) but I haven't really read up on adult ADHD beyond what I've read that convinced me that MOH has it... so imagine my surprise that I got diagnosed with it.
And since MOH has been battling depression since before I met him, can you guess what I am worried about now?
Did you guess?
I'm worried that he could be bipolar as well.
Anyway, I need to go. I need to eat and get dressed because I have group therapy this afternoon and I really look forward to it.
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