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Tuesday, 24 July 2012

The secret shame - uncleanliness

I feel like I need musical accompaniment here.  DUN DUN DA!!!!

Imagine it, a silent movie, a man with a black hat and a curlicue mustache, laughing menacingly as, instead of tying the damsel in distress to the train tracks, he carries her towards a house.

The card with the text appears: "And now, you'll see that I have destroyed you in a way worse than death.  Everyone you know is in your house right now."

Cut to the woman, flailing in his arms and obviously extremely upset.

Another text card: "No, people can never come in uninvited.  They can never know how bad it gets!"

End scene

I actually discussed this with a friend who has similar challenges.  And it made me think of other people that I know with various mood disorders.

Some people with mood disorders have issues keeping their homes tidy and organized, some get to the point where they let their personal care slide and some have a combination of the two.

I have experienced this myself.  MOH (Man of the House) and I both have a hard time keeping the clutter down and the dishes done.

When I get really down, I stop having baths and switch to showers.  I know that doesn't sound as severe as people who may stop cleaning themselves altogether but it's huge for me because I take great pleasure in having a bath.

It's peaceful (except for the kids coming in to talk to me. my friends phoning me, MOH coming in to ask me to tell the kids to do what he says... you get the picture)

But I will tell you this.

I *HATE* living like this.

Yet I feel powerless to change it.  We have too many things for too small a space.  We suck at organizatioin, and when things are out-of-sight they become out-of-mind and suddenly I am not paying bills on time and we end up over-spending because the budget goes out the window because I lose all sense of what's going on because nothing is right in front of me.

Have I mentioned that I was also diagnosed ADHD along with the type 2 bipolar diagnosis?  I've read up on ADHD because one of our kids has it (maybe all 3 - who knows?) but I haven't really read up on adult ADHD beyond what I've read that convinced me that MOH has it... so imagine my surprise that I got diagnosed with it.

And since MOH has been battling depression since before I met him, can you guess what I am worried about now?

Did you guess?

I'm worried that he could be bipolar as well.

Anyway,  I need to go.  I need to eat and get dressed because I have group therapy this afternoon and I really look forward to it.

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