How many of you understand this one?
Before I was on any medication - I had this constant stream of negative self-talk that often passed as general commentary on everything I did or thought and it would be in my head, rather than actually in my ears but yet I would hear it in my own voice.
Honestly, I thought that's how it was for everyone because that's how it was for me for as far back as I could remember.
It was also why I often would (and sometimes still do, though now it's out of habit) talk out loud to myself when I am thinking about something or doing something.
However; once I started talking the Cipralex it made a a huge impact on that and it was suddenly so strangely QUIET in my head that I felt like things had become surreal.
Now that I am fairly adjusted to my 20 mg/day I can assess the effect and say that it has taken away about 75% of all that "noise" - that commentary/negative talk and what I can best describe as something that feels like digital white noise.
I still get it sometimes, and it's most noticeable when I first wake up or when I am trying to get to sleep but it's nowhere what it once was.
Sometimes, I still get a touch of the racing thoughts at night or when I wake up from a dream, or when I am startled by something during the day but again, it is vastly improved over where it was.
I did bring up with my psychiatrist - I'm going to call him Dr. Calm - the fact that I feel like the decrease in the anxiety has brought the depression to the forefront and made it worse, or made me feel the full impact of it because I am less distracted by the anxiety as I have been for all these years prior.
The only side effects I am noticing from my meds thus far are the dry mouth and the extra sensitivity to heat (ugh!)
Oh and I should note that the Wellbutrin is still 300 mg/day but the Topamax is 150/day now.
I added a number of bipolar-related blogs to read when I started this one because, like I said in my first post, I'm still really a bipolar newbie.
It's good for myself and MOH to do some reading on this.
At this rate, I'm never going to finish Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter...