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Sunday, 29 July 2012

Woke up with a jolt today

Feeling sick to my stomach, and really off-kilter but then I remembered that my PMS became my period just before I went to bed last night.

That reminds me - I need to check if I it's safe for me to take Tylenol or Advil with my meds.  Because my TOM always knocks the hell out of me.

I'm angrier today - though I have a legitimate reason for it so I am not going to get into it here since it has nothing to do with my diagnosis or anything MOH or I may suspect about his mental health (in theory I suppose it could but since I'm still letting him sleep in even though I've been up for well over an hour - I'm not getting into it here).

I've actually just been sitting here - looking at the living room and wishing I could figure out a way to move the furniture but my problem is, essentially, where our Bell cables come into the house/living room as I think that only gives us a limited space as to where we can place our furniture.

Now I'm not sure if I've said here before that when I get hypomanic (a term I am still getting used to) that one of the main things I like to do is move the living room furniture - but I'm pretty sure I am not hypomanic this time for ONE simple reason. 

When I am hypomanic (which before now, I thought of as "normal") I just start moving things without planning and might spend hours upon hours moving and then moving again and again.

There are two "issues" with our living room, the odd space by the window and the cut-out of danger.  Here, I'll try to show you in a floor plan photo and a very old living room photo... 

The cut-out of danger is to the right and plummets right to the entry

Whereas this morning, I have spent over an hour, just sitting here and thinking about it and considering my options and trying to think through potential road-blocks.

See the difference?

And that reminds me of something.  A friend asked me if this is blog reflects how I've always felt or how I've felt since I was diagnosed.

It reflects a chunk of how I've always felt WITHOUT all the self-recriminations because before I had a diagnosis I chalked a lot of how I felt up to human weakness/weakness of character, even though I did have my other diagnoses.

And, of course now I am also trying to incorporate the proper terminology for things whereas in the past I was always worrying and saying to my friends that I thought I was crazy and felt like I was crazy and the usual response was that "people who actually are crazy, never wonder if they are crazy."

You know, I should ask Dr. Calm about that...

Now, back to my living room dilemma.  I need to move things around so that my super-climbing toddler cannot access the cut-out of doom, somehow fit all the same furniture in here (and there's a lot) and figure out what to do with that stupid wasted space that we have covered with a drape and currently have a small toy cupboard in.


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