Confession

Been bad with taking my meds...
Been either sleeping too much or not enough
Been moody, mostly sad

But I'm still here
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Politics

Some quick thoughts...

In America - I am pro-Obama!!!

Here in Canada, I tend to vote NDP (though I like some of the Green Party ideas)
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Getting some things done

Well yesterday was Thanksgiving so we were out most of the day.

Today I got my plate sticker renewed, went to the bank, ran an errand with a friend and took my son to Walmart.

I think that is the most I've done in one day since August.

Took most of the weekend to just be low key. No phone calls. No stressers. Just me, MOH and our girl.

The older two weren't home so it really was quiet.

We needed it


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Bullying never seems to change

My son is having a rough week.

He is in the only English class for his grade (the rest are french immersion) so he's had most of the same classmates since senior kindergarten.

This means being stuck with the same bullies as well as the same friends (barring moves).

Well some of his sometimes friends (according to him) took things further than not playing with him or trying to get him in trouble.

This week they called him "Spaz" and said he was "stalking" them because they take the same path home (one of them lives in the same complex we do)

He said a few of the kids call him "Spaz" - I told him it wasn't right that the kids were calling him names.

And it made me remember when kids would tease me. I was teased from K - 12. Lots of names, for what ppl claimed were lots of legitimate reasons. And "spaz attack" was one of the insults hurled at me.

So I can relate.

Today he came home a little late and said he'd been cornered by two of the boys.

One tried to hit my son with his scooter and then tried to punch him.

Hit his backpack instead. Nonetheless, my son came home, shaken and crying.

He doesn't want me to talk to anyone at the school, he doesn't want us to pick him up or meet him after school.

What does a parent do?


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I'm so tired of feeling this way

I'm still here.

Tears running down my cheeks.
Silently.
I feel so fucking tired. Yet I am sleeping way more the past while than I should.

Why is it always the extremes? Way too little sleep to way too much??

I keep thinking about respite but I worry about how things would go without me around here.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not I should be talking to somebody about those thoughts in my head...

I mean it's suicidal ideation. It's not making plans and I'm not walking around outside alone so I'm not at risk for the impulse control.

But then I come across blogs or tweets or links or whatever where other people think this stuff is more serious or give it more credence than I do.

Perhaps because I can remember dealing with this in high school and even in grade school.

So many years later and I'm still here.

I just don't know what I should be doing.


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Stayed in Saturday night

Which probably worked out well as a friend called in very rough mental shape.

So I was on the phone for some time talking my friend through their mental crisis and determining whether or not they needed to go to the hospital for their own safety.

It turned out fine in the end.

I'm glad I was here to help as my friend's other half wasn't a good support person.


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My kid totally called me on something today

So I had no choice but to leave the house today because the one thing I make sure of is that my kids aren't missing out.

MOH's back is too messed up to be at son's event today so here I am.

Well I was talking to one of my friends and son was listening in and this wise child said, "why do you say negative things about yourself all the time? You always tell us to think positive and to say and believe good things about ourselves but you don't do it about yourself. "

My answer, "no one told me not to do that when I was a kid."

My son's reply, "but you always say good things about us and everybody else so it should be easy to do it about yourself."

Me, "you're right... It should."

That's all I've got for now and I've been informed that yesterday's was cut off so I'll have to remember to fix that later when I'm on a computer and not a phone.


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Watching "Touched by an Angel" never makes me feel better

Now don't get me wrong... I always liked watching the show when it originally aired, sometimes it moved me, sometimes it didn't.

Mostly I liked when Andrew (RIP John Dye) was in the episode because he was a good-looking "every man" kind of guy.

I used to watch the show with my Mom... She liked when Randy Travis or someone else she liked would turn up as a guest star.

Going farther back, I can tell you that my parents and I used to watch "Highway to Heaven" together and earlier than that it was "Little House on the Prairie."

We liked those shows and their feel good messages and their
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