So, after much frustration and strife, I was able to be scheduled in this afternoon (now that fam DR finally got the proper info to hospital).
I am currently killing time before the appointment because I am afraid if I go somewhere else first, something will divert me from attending.
I know I want an, essentially, impartial assessment because of the personal strife I had with my last psychiatrist BUT now my fears are boiling over.
It brings up my issues with authority figures, with medical professionals, with men in roles of power and influence; plus, my anxiety of being judged.
And I keep reminding myself that this is a step that should assist me in getting the treatment outline that I require. A guide.
BUT I am afraid.
I am afraid of not being heard and/or being misunderstood.
I am afraid of talking about all of these things inside of me. And the possibly mitigating factors involved with them.
I am afraid of following up with my family DR and still being "pooh-poohed" by him.
After all, this dr was of no assistance re: my child's diagnosis. And I feel he has been deliberately hindering and hampering me re: my mental health whereas my ex-husband thinks the dr is great (he treats both of us).
I am afraid that I'll be just as powerless and hopeless after this as I feel right now.
So I am writing this post to try and get the worst of it, the part that knots my stomach to the point of nausea, OUT.
Wish me luck and wellness and healing.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network