I've been watching "Being Erica" on Netflix.
One of my fav shows is "Doctor Who."
I am, frankly, obsessed w/ time travel.
I wonder if I could go back and say proper goodbyes to ppl, if I could not marry Hubs 1, just stick around until I got pregnant and then go.
I wish I could control my weight.
I wish I could go back and protect myself from the things that hurt ne.
I wish I could go back and get my parents to take me for a psych evaluation in my childhood.
I can't help but wonder if there would be a time I could go back to where I wouldn't have this mental illness.
IS there a time or has it always been there?
I can look back and definitely see the highs and lows; peaks and valleys; the way I was so desperately out of control.
Feeling like such an outsider, looking for validation in other people - specifically men.
My self-image was horrible abd it still is,
Where am I within the mental illness?
- lacking a sense of control
- people pleaser
- poor short-term memory
- high sex drive
- separation of emotions and mental state
- is the fear me or it or the illness or both??
I am not such how to think and feel, and I am not sure WHY this is bugging me so much right now (well a slight idea but I'm not ready to talk about it because I don't want to name names.)
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