So the panic attack/paranoia thing had me really off-kilter yesterday and getting dragged out by some of my friends and having a few drinks gave me an opportunity to dance the tensions off.
And I realize as I type that statement that it comes across as one of self-defense or denial or something....
But I don't know how else to express it.
All i can say that when my beautiful friend picked me up that she and I had some lengthy girl talk and then i caught her up a bit on my mental state and then we went in and she bought me the shooter and my first vodka & 7.
And my friends bought me 2 more before the night was over.
So willpower 0.
I need to find something HEALTHY that can make me feel as relaxed and happy as alcohol consumption can.
Maybe it will be the gym?
A local gym had an amazing deal on. A few of my friends have memberships there and one of my friends has worked there for about 3 years so it gives it some credibility of safety and the gym itself has had a good vibe the times I've been through there.
MOH and I both got memberships because at $10/month per person, how can you go wrong?
It will help us get healthier, which is important in our 40s, especially when our youngest won't be 3 until next year.
And exercise is supposed to help people with bipolar, depression etc...
I am irritated because even though MOH arranged to have someone come over and see him today - he hasn't tidied up anything since making those arrangements days ago.
OK so maybe I'm only in a marginally better mood today.
The first time I had a drink after going on Lamictal......I ended up in the worst paranoid phase of my life which landed me in the ER just seconds from being committed. Alcohol and "street drugs" including pain pills are a no no with mental illness. Believe me, I mourn. I was never a drinker but I sure did love me some weed and pills. But alas, my fun now comes from making fun of assholes with my bestie and laughing my ass off with my family.
ReplyDelete