Freaking out

So, next Sat is my out-of-town psych appt & yesterday I got a distressing call from the person who had committed to driving me.

I still haven't figured out a solution. And now I cannot sleep.

I think I may have written previously in my blog that I was trying not to get my hopes up and tempt the universe into fucking me over.

Well, idiot that I am - what do you all think I did at my therapy group on Friday?

I talked about my hopes for my psych appt.

Then BAM!

Now it's all in jeopardy!

Sat is a very busy day for a lot of my near and dear -- moving, job-related commitments, activity/sports commitments & the need for childcare if Hubs ends up having to take me.

Plus he has a volunteer event that day that he doesn't want to miss.

I feel hopeless and sad.

Makes you just want to go sit in a snowbank and fall asleep and never wake up.

NOTE: this is not a plan of any sort - it is an expression of how pointless everything feels right now.

I wish I was alone and I could crank up some angry music and just bawl my eyes out.

But I can't - I'd wake Hubs and the kids and disturb the neighbours.

My fingers are already too sore from biting and picking throughout the day.

And I don't cut myself anymore.

If I eat, I think I'd throw up... I don't have any alcohol in the house and Hubs was too tired for sex.

What now??

I'm at a loss.


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