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Sunday, 2 March 2014


  • first time off work re: mental health for more than 2-3 days Fen or March 2001 when I was the manager of P.I. - I believe my District manager said I had some sort of throat-related illness
  • I went on sick leave for EI 2004-2005 for 15 or 16 weeks, whatever the maximum was which then rolled over into a "regular" claim with diagnoses of: stress, panic disorder, GAD, PTSD, agoraphobia re: crowds (grocery stores and such)
  • the last time I worked full-time was 2004
  • A former district manager (from 2 previous companies where I had been a store manager for him) asked me to work for him at least PT to help support myself since I had left my husband  and was struggling
  • I worked very part-time (starting around 12 hrs per week and the worse I felt, it was 3 hrs maybe every 2 weeks)
  • I had a surprise pregnancy and began to miscarry in early 2009 and I honestly I cannot recall if I ever returned to work after that
  • I am morbidly obese :( and my health and weight changes have been what I would consider extreme since 2000 (160 lbs - 281 lbs, up and down since 2000)
  • I skin-pick and pull out my hair and obsessively nail-bite
  • In my childhood I discovered that creating physical pain to myself is somewhat of a mental release for emotional pain that I cannot deal with
I experience something that I call "phantom smells.:
  1. fish
  2. cigarette smoke
  3. burning plastic
  4. smoke in general
  5. gasoline
  6. ink
  7. dirt
  8. grass
  9. skunks
  10. blood (which I also taste)
I withdraw from the world, I panic, I can't always slow down my thoughts and there is ALWAYS something I am afraid of.

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