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Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Hiding out in my house

The funny thing about this blog is that it works for me like my girlhood diary did. I just write down what's on my mind and sometimes I forget all about it.

Of course sometimes I obsess about it and sometimes it ends up being something that just repeats and repeats.

My very first diary was small, red with the words "My Diary" embossed in gold lettering and it had a tiny lock with a thin, gold coloured key and was filled with scintillating details like my adoration of Christopher Reeve and how I liked the TV show "Kate and Allie" and how every other day I was best friends or worst enemies with a girl I'd known for years.

But that ability to purge was something I always appreciated. Putting the feelings into words allowed me some distance and some relief.

However, I also like to hide things. From myself and from the world.

Sometimes I write poetry and fiction.

Other times I don't write anything at all because I don't want to remember or acknowledge how I feel.

I can't remember if I've said that when I get down that I like to hide out at home.

Yes, I've definitely had more energy to get things accomplished around the house this past week BUT I am feeling more and more internally depressed.

I skipped group last wk and today and was dragged out to go dancing after 1 a.m. on the wkend.

MOH and I had a fairly cranky day. It was none too pleasant for any of us.

That being said, things got accomplished.

So why am I getting more home-bound even while getting things accomplished here?

And why do I feel more emotional and upset even though my ideas seem less out of control?

I am so confused...

I guess that's why I don't want to go outside.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

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