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Saturday, 25 August 2012

I'm in an LDS church and I want to go home!

No, I haven't been kidnapped, consumed any Kool-Aid, been converted, transformed or heard the word, call or whatever.

At a point and time far earlier this year when I was living, breathing and forgoing sleep in the pursuit of my newest obsessive passion which was genealogy (which I still enjoy but at a far more reasonable and moderate pace) I decided to pre-register and pay to attend a Family History conference being held in my town.

Of course I was also feeling a lot more "up" then.

Well, it's today.

And I'm here.

I am sitting at the back of a room, as far away from everyone else as possible, and the friendly, well-meaning Mormons keep coming over to say hello while I am taking my stupid Rescue Remedy drops (meant to alleviate anxiety as one of my diagnoses is social anxiety disorder) but which seems to be doing exactly NOTHING!!

And I have to pee but I am afraid that there will be more friendly people who will have conversational expectations of me if I go into the bathroom because, well hell - that's a trueism that entertainment media got right... Women DO talk in the bathroom!

It's not even 9 a.m. And this goes till 4!!!

What the hell am I going to do? There is a limited amount of genealogical related literature for me to read, then re-read and then pretend to read until the seminars begin!!!!!

And I read REALLY fast!

Plus all my previous years in retail may even allow me to wait to pee until this whole event is over, like a camel. Isn't it camels that don't have to pee very often? I know they don't have to drink very often so it would make sense that they also don't pee a lot.

Old ladies are staring at me now. Like "why is that girl in the pigtails playing with her phone?"

If it was my son, he'd be hoping I downloaded a game or something cool. But the old ladies probably think I am pretending to be on the phone so I don't have to talk to them (because they can SEE I'm clearly not on the phone since it's not up to my ear and I'm not even talking) and now the one who came and sat two seats away from me where there are literally at least 100 other seats is coughing!

I can't remember if coughing is a sign of West Nile or not but I was scratching a mosquito bite the other night and then the news came on and they were talking about West Nile being an epidemic and that there were at least 30 cases in Toronto (which isn't that far from here).

It's getting too busy in this room. I am going to walk outside because I can't breathe in here anymore.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network


  1. Run and don't look back.

  2. As an LDS person, I apologize for my people's overt friendliness. My advice: find your nearest LDS church building. Call the bishop (it's in the phone book), ask for the genealogy specialist's telephone number, and then call her (or him) to help you do it home. West Nile averted. BAM!


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